Alternative post names:
Martha, You Failed Me, or
Worst Sugar Cookie Dough Ever, I Hate You
I had a dream, good people. A dream about cute LEGO cookies. Topped with colored sanding sugar. Buttery, sugary, building blocks of happiness.
It all started with a LEGO cookie cutter. Purchased… I don’t know. In Chicago, or possibly Orlando. It’s like a pizza wheel, only it cuts row upon row of LEGO shaped cookies!
At least, it should. That is, if you don’t set yourself up for failure before you even roll said cookie cutter across a disk of dough.
See that dough up above? I should have known better than to think that crumbly, dry, awful dough could bake up into a fabulous cookie. Alas, my brain reassured me, “It’s a Martha Stewart recipe! And Martha knows her cookies.” And my heart whispered to me, “Your poor little boy stayed home sick from school today, and he loves to help you bake. And he loves LEGOs. And all little boys who stay home sick from school and love baking and LEGOs deserve nothing less than LEGO cookies on a gray afternoon.”
It’s not like we didn’t have fun up until the rolling of the dough. We sifted flour, and cracked an egg, and fired up the mixer.
I should mention here that my son, well, he absolutely loves creating mini-Everests out of sifted flour. So much so that he pays little regard to how much flour is making it into the bowl and how much is not. It’s art. You understand. And so do I. I love baking with him.
But after the fun, there was this:
Which ultimately, resulted in this:
Those pictures are deceptive! Because 1) the cookies that you see are not the cookies that I dreamed, 2) the dough was so terrible to work with that the end result is just not worth is, 3) by the time I got to the point of colored sanding sugar, I was D-O-N-E done and said “thanks but no thanks” to more work, and 4) they didn’t taste all that fantastic. My son ate one and said, “It’s good! But it’s not the best.” I agree. Well, actually, I’m still debating whether they could even be considered “good.”
What did these cookies have going for them? 1) Watching my son crack eggs and sift flour while belting out tunes from Glee was fantastic, 2) the color was more or less what I was going for (ask me sometime about when my husband mistook gel food coloring for gel icing and spread it on top of a cookie, and fed it to our son, and dyed his mouth-tongue-lips-face a vivid, kelly green), and 3) …maybe there isn’t a 3.
As I was
cursing at rolling out the dough, I remembered a fantastic sugar cookie recipe that I got from my grandmother, and kicked myself for ever forgetting it, and swore to use it the next time around. Yes, you read me right: the next time around. I’m not giving up on my dream… and I will keep you posted along the way (but in case you’re wondering, I’m absolutely not posting the recipe for this dough)!